“Why be single, come and mingle,” tingled my cell in an early morning sms from someonematrimony.com. Opened my mail to be told “The woman of your dreams is waiting for you!” Umm ?
My understanding of dating, mating sites is that pot-bellied old men pose as young hunks to attract young nubile nymphets, who are actually over-the-hill women looking to attract young hunks. Complicatedly simple….
The singles I know are happily single. One has traveled 75 countries on her own, and is on her next. My most adventurous trip of late has been taking my dog to the vet with a ear infection.(My dog’s, not the vet’s – though the vet may have got a ear infection after meeting my dog – which just goes to show that not all arranged dates work so well.)
Anyway, I invite all the matchmakers, marrying sites and dust mites to my very own SINGLES PARTY tonight.
See, S is always cribbing that the washing machine eats up one of his socks. He never gets 2 socks of the same colour out again. S has the world’s leading collection of single socks. Next - I buy a dozen clothes pegs, and the next day, there are 11 left ! 1 spoon out of the new set has gone walkies, under my nose.
So where do these Singles all go? Is there some hip hopping party under the floor tiles of my house that I’m sleeping through? Only one way to find out. I invite all those who have been urging me to meet my match to my singles party tonight. Creep under the tiles and go seek. You never know.
You may have the time of your life. And meet the sock of your dreams.
JANE KIDDING. my life as a pretty (bad) mom, worse manager and good survivor, and how to find everything hysterical (strictly in hindsight).
Isn't it cool how the most eligible people on the planet spend their nights peering into their computer screens and updating their profiles on the dating sites, and making sure their photos are the latest coolest ones? No wonder they are still singe. It is us run of the mill or below average folks (Jane being the exception) who bother to make real friends.
ReplyDeleteMy theory is that all of your socks and spoons are actually peering into a flickering CRT monitor under your floorboards, the silence of the night disturbed by mouseclicks and keystrokes.
Now, the baby always manages to lose one sock or one shoe or one mit. And try as you might to retrace your steps through the house, street and shopping mall, you won't find the missing item. The theory there is that General Kikitov, after he lost his top secret job with the KGB after the collapse of the USSR, now spends his time shadowing baby and picking up all the things she drops. Perhaps he can find more meaning in his life on a dating site somewhere and learn to leave dropped things well alone.
71 to go.
ReplyDeleteHey Jane,
ReplyDeleteSaw your tantalising mail ka subject in the middle of a presentation, Monday Morning, on the blackberry & decided it must be the first mail I’d open once I return to my seat. OMG, finally Jane may be pushing my single status towards some mystery person, what fantasies zipped through my mind….till I read the blog!!
J
Hope is still alive, despite your blog today!
Take care,
Arif
Very very funny, but making such a point too. Matrimonial websites are too instrusive. And the are ready to make money out of anybody's loneliness, which is worse. I am recently turned single, and I loved this version.
ReplyDeleteand i thought you were really having a party for all of us!!!
ReplyDeleteto thank all of us for giving u a topic to write on, you can thank us by actually throwing a party with lots of wine and singles..hehe...just say when....( and we will make it despite our hectic social lives..:))
"Read it...I love it...somehow sounds like my life...haha!"
ReplyDeletegood one jane i agree about the socks story it is also the story of my life
ReplyDeletegud stuff, mrs G!!
ReplyDeleteGood stuff Jane - and funny! Went through a few of them. Didn't know you blogged...
ReplyDeleteBesides thoroughly enjoying reading 'singles party tonight' - i have to admit it is an eye opener for me! A problem i face at my house, which we for a long time blamed Rohan's mouse RIP for. However we are struggling to find an answer till date. Rohan's mouse has long gone but the problem still exists! Perhpas Jane there is truth about hobbits after all! So with this economic downturn and with austerity drives in full swing - it wouldn't be a bad idea for us to find this tunnel and follow the tiled path road to your house ! may be cheaper than air fares!!
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff Jane
ReplyDeleteNot washing machines. Not hobbits. All our stuff goes onto the parapet covering of the window below ours via the kid. The inaccessible concrete shade has now a collection big enough to house a family of its own.
ReplyDeletehey Jane , wonderful to read ur blogs.....i always suspected my washing machine was eatin'up my socks.... there is a collection of singles!!!!!now u mentioned it i'm relaxed.... spooky things r not happening just to me!!!!
ReplyDeleteJane, your 'singles party' one is the best. Laughed so much. And what about all the pens that wander off. I understand that there is a planet they run away to(refer - the Hitch hiker's guide..)And they are not even single. Actually your socks are not single until they run away. They were just headed to
ReplyDeleteSplitsville - See it's not only the rich and famous who go there. Or maybe there's a another one -Singleville for the lesser mortals
Jane! Good one - your 'singles party'one. Laughed so much. And what about all the pens. Where do they wander of to. I'm starting to think they really have a planet where they go to happily live ever after. And they're not even single. Actually neither are your socks. Until they run away. See they also head to Splitsviller. It's not only the rich and famous. Or maybe there's another one - Plain old Singleville for lesser mortals
ReplyDeleteCan't stop laughing. So true too.
ReplyDelete